When you do something new – like skiing, reading, or riding a bike – you don’t learn how to do it right away. It takes practice and time. It may not take much time, but if you keep learning and practicing and telling yourself you CAN do it, you’ll get there.
And, it can often become second nature…like riding a bike.
We can do that with our thoughts as well by practicing telling ourselves the outcome we want.
You may not be able to change the situation you are in, especially when you are trying to conceive, but you can change your thoughts and your responses to what’s currently going on for you.
Affirmations are a great way to do this because when done repeatedly over a period time they can help you can create new neural pathways in your brain.
Think about it like this, when you walk in your yard or a field for the first time, there is no wear to the grass. But if you walk the same path over and over again and over time, you can see the path starting to wear down. The grass becomes patchy, and you might be able to see the dirt below it.
You have created a trail that you can follow.
Similarly, you can do this with your thoughts as well.
When you practice doing something, over time it creates new neural pathways, like a trail, which becomes a habit. And this can occur even if you if you don’t fully believe that it’s possible.
In my support groups, we talk a lot about how to manage your emotions and believe in yourself as well as your ability to be a mother.
Everyone has a different story, so other thoughts I have seen have included –
My body is broken.
I waited too long.
This is too hard.
I can’t take another loss.
My eggs are too old.
How can I have a baby if my body feels this way already.
I am not worthy of being a mom.
This is never going to happen for me.
It’s hard to cope through all of the tough times, especially when you have experienced losses, gone months without a positive pregnancy test, or have health with multiple discouraging situations.
And you feel like you are losing hope.
And while I thinks its important to feel your feelings and sit with them, they can easily spiral into a really dark place.
You can shift your thoughts and better cope by finding the automatic negative thoughts or ANTS that are not serving you.
It’s easy to get caught up in all the feeling – grief, fear, anger, hopelessness…
It’s also important know how to move out of that space because it can be debilitating.
Affirmations work because they help move your attention and energy.
Using the positive statement “I AM” puts you in a place of where you want to be.
I am fertile
I am healthy
I am a mother
But I know sometimes these sayings don’t feel true, especially after dealing with so much disappointment.
So, as my dear friend and Life Coach Kristen Werblow teaches, simply insert the word “CAN” to create a bridge that opens up the possibility of something coming into your existence.
For example I AM A MOTHER is a powerful statement, but after trying to conceive without success for months or years, it may not feel real or true or even possible.
But, if you add CAN to the phrase, and you bring in possibility…because anything is possible.
Tell yourself…”I CAN be a mother.”
Here you are creating a powerful statement of possibility.
Motherhood is coming. You can be a mother.
Over a few day, jot down the automatic negative thoughts that come to you throughout the day, and rephrase those thoughts into affirming ones.
Insert the word CAN if your affirmation feels impossible. Then, take time to read these thoughts aloud daily, in the morning and before bed.
I like the ThinkUp App, because it allows you to record these affirmations, so you can listen to them.
The repetition will compound over time (even over a few weeks), so that this new thought – the affirming one – replaces the negative one.
And this magical word – CAN – shifts your focus and allows your nervous system to breathe and relieve stress, and it allows guidance and wisdom to enter.